I tried to live my life again, didn't get as far as the first time

For knowing how it would end, I chose not to meet you And over not meeting you I chose to die. Ever since you left me I've been known to often smile, Well, don't you know smiling's the tool Of those who've no more strength to cry And sometimes I think of many things I'd like to say I'm sure you'd be converted if you heard my plea But I know, that when the time comes for you to see me I'll just say "thanks" and walk away